College is the most successful pyramid scheme known to man

Where else can you pay thousands upon thousands of dollars expecting to receive a college degree only to get a piece a paper saying that you have a degree? No where.

I came to this realization the other day in class as I was reading Nietzsche in class. I managed to read the book by hiding the book behind my textbook while I was pulling the wool over my teacher's eyes if you will. By using this clever scheme I was able to act like I was intently reading the book.

While reading that book I realized that I have wasted 4 years of my life being in college. The most amazing thing about school is that I get by doing the least possible work. In the past, I have labeled myself as a chronic underachiever, but after putting some thought into that, I want to change my stance. In the words of the great philosopher Peter Gibbons, I am simply unmotivated. Why apply myself when I can do absolutely nothing in class and get by with A's?

My day at school is generally filled with hardships. When I first get to class, there is no coffee made. No coffee whatsoever is made. To remedy that situation I make a pot. Then I go on a hunt for a newspaper. This generally wastes about 15 to 30 minutes of my class. Once I find that amazing newspaper I sit down and drink coffee for the next half hour while catching on the daily happenings. After I read that newspaper I generally will hit up the vending machines for something to eat. Then I will come back, eat my potato skins and then pull out my book an hour after class has started. After I pull out that book, I usually start to space out and think about things that have no bearing on class. I start thinking about random stuff, like what am I going to do after I get out of class, or if I'm going to start tossing pens, pencils, knives, and/or screwdrivers into the ceiling tiles while the teacher isn't looking. On a side note, I am in the lead with five foreign objects stuck in the ceiling. After about another half hour of not paying attention, I nonchalantly will pull out the book that I am currently reading and will put it in between my textbook so I look like I am doing something important.

That is what I do at school, absolutely nothing. Sure, there are a few times where I have to apply myself, but those moments rarely occur and when they do occur, I put in my 5 minutes of work for the month and continue to slack off. There have only been a handful of times where I can honestly say I have learned something that I could not have done on my own. Soon, after paying enough money into this horrid pyramid scheme that has come with broken promises, I will have a piece of paper that said I am an educated individual.